The Bill Show: Episode 3

Hi, I'm Bill. This is my show. Let's begin.

Our Top Story

We here at the Bill Show are proud to announce, by special request, Bill has reopened his original art commissions list for a very few pieces. If you are interested in commissioning a piece of Bill’s art, you need to do the following: First, email Brad Thomte (his art sales guy — yeah, Bill has a guy) at: brad.thomte@gmail.com

Brad will send you a list of unreasonable demands and conditions under which Bill will do the work.

Bill is just a tiny bit chagrinned at the harsh wording in that list of conditions, but it turned out necessary, to dampen the shenanigans of that small majority of hooligans and ne’er-do-wells who always try to game the system. If you agree to the terms, then we’re off to the races.

Here are a very few examples of commission pieces Bill has done in the recent past:

Bill’s second favorite illustration of Snow. We’d show you his favorite illustration of her, but the scan of that one’s on a different computer, which we’re much too lazy to dig out just now.

One of Bill’s favorite Ragman illustrations (along with his best Shadowpact pal, Blue Devil). When drawing Ragman Bill always insisted on drawing each individual rag, much to the annoyance of his inkers (when he worked with a separate inker).

Drogor Thorn is the fellow facing away from us in the fancy peacock shirt. This is a picture drawn from Bill’s ribald comic series IRONWOOD. Specifically we see the sky-ship’s captain Pandora Breedlswight (I hope we spelled that right, but are much too lazy to look it up) and her trusty first mate (what was her name again?) repelling a few uninvited guests.

An Artist We Like

He knows what you’re thinking, so watch it.

Walter Velez, 1939 through 2018 painted wonderful book covers and gaming covers and just paintings. There’s a good chance you remember him from the Thieve’s World books, or the Thieve’s World table top role playing game, which all of us bought when it came out, even if we didn’t plan on playing it. We bought it for the city map included in the box, which was the best (perhaps only) medieval city map for use in anyone’s role playing game of choice. I promised myself I’d find some way to work with him someday. When cover artists were discussed for various comics and book projects, I put his name forward often (when he was still alive and working), but editors and art directors always wanted someone new. Like Barney Stinson, they believed, “New is Always Better.” Yes, I’m slightly bitter. My fault though for taking too long to get myself in the position of hiring the people I want, when I want them.

I’m not entirely daunted yet. Not by a long shot. Someday I’m going to find the perfect unused Walter Velez painting, track down the rights, and write a story to fit, and then publish the damn thing myself. Yeah, that’s the ticket.

From one of the Warlock in Spite of Himself novels by Christopher Stasheff.

In addition to introducing me to the work of Walter Velez, this book kicked off the “shared world” craze among fantasy and science fiction prose writers. Sure, the comics world had been doing shared worlds for years, and writers like Edgar Rice Burroughs made sure there was a chance every character he created could possibly run into every other character he created, which was the heart and soul of the shared world, but this trend did journeyman’s work in creating entertaining adventure books in its time.

How do you possibly paint three characters, dressed in the same drab colors (that’s no insult. They’re all three wearing a color known as olive drab), set against a drab brown wall and yet make the image work? It can’t be done. And yet he did it. This is among my favorites of Walter Velez’s works.

Yikes! I tried to find the credit for this one, and I know it. It’s there in the back of my lizard brain, lurking, biding its time, ready to spring forth. I’m pretty sure it may be one of the many “Myth” covers he did for a Robert Aspirin book (in his Myth-titled series, such as Another Fine Myth), but don’t hold me to that. Wait, I just found out it’s his cover to Myth Conceptions. I knew I knew it! Now, should I save myself some embarrassment and delete all that stuff above where I’m having trouble recalling where this is from?

If you’ve not yet read the Lord Darcy tales, by Randall Garrett, you’re doing yourself a disservice. There are many collections of them out there, including this one with the lovely Walter Velez cover.

A Few Rules of Writing Well

No, this isn’t a picture of Bill at work. His computer isn’t as nice.

I write prose the way I read books. I tend to have several novels and short stories going at once, and skip between them, as my mood dictates, until such time as one of them takes on a critical mass and must be finished next! This is the wrong way to do it. Do not work this way, it’ll break your heart, and sap your will. Focus and finish! Now, if only I could learn to take my own advice.

What am I working on now? I’m four issues complete into a six-issue comic book project the publishers still won’t let me talk about (though I didn’t sign an NDA, which it took me a long span of years to learn never to do again. NDA’s are the tools of disreputable persons and organizations to keep getting away with their hanky-panky. Ask yourself: What is signing away my first amendment rights worth? Then ask the same question of the contractor trying to get you to sign one. Their sputtering answers are sometimes amusing). I simply promised to keep mum until they got to make the initial announcement. That’s enough for any honest dealer.

Sorry, I got off track. What else am I working on? I just finished the sequel novel to Hammer of the Gods. It probably needs one final pass to clean it up a bit. I’m just over halfway through the sequel novel to The Remarkable Mr. Finn (which just this Wednesday got rejected by a major publisher). I’ve started the sequel to Just Another Ranker. I’ve also started a number of new books: one of which is a jungle adventure; one a medieval fantasy mystery, where the law officer isn’t quite who’d you expect; and a supernatural thriller set in modern America, but so far I can’t get my two protagonists out of Mexico.

Do you see what I mean? This is no way to run a circus. Focus and finish. Repeat it like a mantra. Then, when you’ve got it locked in, teach it to me.

We Have to Take a Break Now For These Important Messages From Our Sponsors

Part One: My Humble Store

Like many in the funnybook business, and related businesses, Bill has an online store, where you can buy unique pieces of his original art. Yes, also a print or two (and soon even a book or three), but mostly originals.

There aren’t many items there at the moment, because lately he’s been writing faster (or at least more often) than he’s been drawing. That’s likely to change soon though, as there are a few big things in the works. Plans and schemes are about to be perpetrated, including a store site revamp that will make your interactive shopping experience a wee bit more congenial. So do please remember to check back often.

You can find Bill’s store at: nohtsc.square.site

Now then, take a moment to look at this page from my online store. Notice the “Out of Stock” notices appended to some of the entries? That’s because this site offers no way to inform our potential customers that a particular work of art has been sold, and is no longer available, and since these are unique original works, it will never again be available. This company (that created this particular online store template) simply can’t grok the notion that their online store might be used to sell things in less than multiples. It’s clearly designed for selling widgets and decorative stickers, not for anything that comes in units of one only. Well, fix it, but do keep in mind we never do anything fast here at The Bill Show Enterprises, so do please be patient.

Part Two: A Story of Mine and Where to Find It

The magazine’s title is pronounced Kir-so-va. This is the current issue and it contains, among other fine tales, a story of mine called Comes the Hunter. You can find this, the current issue of Cirsova at Amazon, and either get it in print, mailed to you, or as an ebook, delivered as if by magic, to your handy device.

I’m pretty sure the lizard guy had it coming.

Hilarity Ensues. Our Joke of the Week

I’m reading this new book about antigravity. It’s impossible to put down.

Our Parting Benediction

A rare photo of Bill hard at work.

Thank you for tuning in once again to The Bill Show, and making it your most important venue for vital news and entertainment about Bill, the silly star of our silly show.